Grief is an unavoidable part of life. When we experience loss of any kind - whether it be the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or moving through different phases of life - grief will inevitably show up in one way or another.
While we all experience our grief differently, it can often feel overwhelming, isolating, and make it difficult to participate in daily life. When you are grieving, it is important to be gentle with yourself as you process the loss and adjust to a new way of being.
Here are 5 things to keep in mind when you or a loved one are coping with grief:
Grief doesn’t have a timeline. Sometimes people expect that they will be over their loss after one year, or that they will cycle through the five stages of grief and settle into acceptance of their loss. But grief doesn’t work that way. You may find yourself flowing back and forth through the different phases of grief, or notice periods when you feel mostly ok followed by intense waves of grief. Grieving is complex and looks different for everyone. Be patient with yourself as you process your grief in your own way.
Make room for your grief. In order to heal after a loss, we must allow ourselves to feel our grief. Being intentional and setting aside time for reflection and release can create a safe container for you to feel the intense emotions around your loss. It can provide a sense of safety to know that there will be time and space to tend to your grief. Schedule a date with it in your calendar. Create a ritual to honor it. If you allow yourself to feel whatever you’re feeling, those emotions are less likely to consume you in other ways.
Don’t be afraid of your grief. Sometimes people fear that if they allow themselves to fully acknowledge and experience their grief, they will get lost in their sadness and won’t be able to get themselves out of it. Trust yourself to be able to hold your grief and allow yourself to find meaning in it. Grief is often described as unexpressed love for what we have lost, and making room for it in our lives can deepen the love and connection we feel - not only to what we have lost, but to other sources of meaning in our lives as well.
It’s ok to distract yourself sometimes. Coping with grief is a dynamic process that requires us to focus both on loss-oriented experiences and restoration-oriented experiences. Just like we need to spend time in contact with our grief and feeling the weight of our loss, coping with grief also involves looking to the future, tending to the way our lives, identity, and relationships have changed since the loss, engaging in distractions, and doing new things. Both of these processes come with their own stressors, and oscillation between looking forward and looking back is normal and healthy as we heal from loss.
Get support. Lean on your friends and loved ones as you navigate the grieving process. Find a community of others who have experienced a similar loss where you can share about your grief, and seek out additional resources if needed. If you’re struggling to cope with your grief, therapy could be a beneficial option.
Remember, it’s not about moving on from grief, it’s about moving forward with your grief. You will carry it with you forever, but as you heal, it will become a sacred part of you that shapes your way of being in the world, the way you relate to others, and the way you make meaning from your experiences.
If grief work is something you’re struggling with, I’d love to support you through your journey. Click here to read more about me and how I work with clients navigating grief, trauma, and loss. If you’d like to connect to see if we’d be a good fit to work together, click here to schedule a free no-obligation phone consultation with me.
~ Aimee West