A Community Grieving: Navigating Emotions After Experiencing a Loss

Last week the Marshall Fire ravaged parts of Boulder County, decimating entire subdivisions, engulfing approximately 6,000 acres and reducing nearly 1,000 homes to their foundations.. Many of us are grappling with how to comprehend, make sense of, or process such a devastating and heartbreaking circumstance. 

Two applicable psychological concepts come to mind when considering large-scale, shared grieving processes created by events like the Marshall Fire; the stages of grief and the concept of secondary or vicarious trauma. Here is a brief overview of these topics, as we now begin to pick up the pieces and continue to sift through the ashes left by the Marshall Fire.

Sadly, many of us experienced the devastation of the Marshall Fire firsthand. Hundreds of families have been displaced and worlds were turned upside down in a matter of hours (or minutes). However, there are also those that may not have been as directly impacted, but are still noticing a heaviness, profound sense of sadness or range of other emotions that they are struggling with and trying to make sense of. 

The term secondary trauma applies to individuals who, although not directly impacted, are “repeatedly exposed to distressing details of the trauma experienced by others.” In the context of the Marshall Fire, first responders, extended family members, support systems and members of the Boulder County/ Colorado community may be experiencing secondary trauma, which can be manifested emotionally (depressed mood, feeling numb, irritable or angry), behaviorally (engaging in self destructive coping strategies) and physically (feeling lethargic or exhausted). 

Recognizing the signs of secondary trauma are vital towards processing the feelings of being close to or adjacent to a trauma. When we recognize our own signs of secondary trauma, we can make steps to alleviate the grief and emotional payload so that we can in turn, free up useful time and energy towards effective support to those we care about, that were directly impacted.

Trauma and grief are the right hook and gut punch of the universe’s emotional arsenal. Whenever one hits, the other inevitably follows, and chances are every one of us will be struck to some degree at some point in our lives.

 So why are trauma and grief such a double whammy? To answer that, you first need to consider some definitions. Trauma is an experience or situation you perceive as a threat to your physical or emotional safety over which you feel no control or that overwhelms your resources to handle it. Grief is the natural set of emotions, thoughts, and physical sensations that leave you feeling overwhelmed and out of control after experiencing a significant loss.

In the 1960’s, Elizabeth Kubler Ross developed what are known as the Stages of Grief.  Ross originally theorized that there are sequential stages of various emotions an individual experiences when navigating a significant loss or grieving something. The stages are:

  1. Denial- difficulty accepting or conceptualizing the reality of the circumstance

  2. Anger- characterized by frustration, irritation or anxiety

  3. Bargaining- a misguided belief that you can avoid the grief through negotiation

  4. Depression- A heaviness that can prevent us from engaging with others, experiencing joy or create a sense of emptiness/ hopelessness.

  5. Acceptance- Emotions begin to stabilize and you come to terms with your “new reality.”

The stages of grief can apply whether an individual was directly involved in the circumstance or not and it should also be mentioned that Ross later concluded that the stages are not always linear and not all individuals experience all stages. 

So what’s next? How do we move forward when we have experienced trauma (firsthand or secondary) and navigate grief? Here are some suggestions:

Self-care: Making time to engage in activities and practices that support your emotional, physical, and social health and well-being (e.g., ensuring adequate nutrition, sleep, exercise, maintaining a healthy work-life balance, and accessing personal counseling if needed)

Social support: Having personal relationships with genuinely caring and supportive people

Pay attention to  the ABC’s:

Awareness of our needs, emotions and limits

Balance between our work, leisure time and rest

Connection to ourselves, to others and to something greater (i.e., spirituality)

 

Counseling, support and community groups can also be very helpful at times like this, as we continue to process what happened and rebuild both emotionally and literally. If you or someone you know is struggling with last week’s devastating event in Boulder County, please don’t hesitate to reach out for help. Our hearts go out to all of our neighbors that lost their homes in last week’s fires.


1. American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders: DSM-5. Washington, DC: American Psychiatric Association.

2.  https://www.choosingtherapy.com/secondary-trauma/


3. Saakvitne, K.W. & Pearlman, L.A. (1996). Transforming the pain: A workbook on vicarious traumatization for helping professionals who work with traumatized clients. New York: W.W. Norton.